Well, what can I say? Yesterday royally sucked. Everything anyone did made me sooo pissed off I was yelling at the world. As always, I had no plans that pulled through. So all day was boring, humid, sickening, and angrifying. The only fun thing... no wait... that wasn't fun. I just wanted to go on a walk but no one would friggin walk with me and I was just an emotional disaster. But I did feel better that Doug called and was like trying to cheer me up. Also he was inviting himself over. He called at like 10:15pm and was like Hey can I come over and I'm like I'm in a bad mood and I don't want to see anyone and then he tried cheerin me up and it worked I guess I felt like 25% better. But the other 75% had to come within me. So I guess he did a good job.
Yeah..................................................................... I'm listenin to the ramones.
Hey I'm not trying to be a bitch.. at all. But I can't stand when people say they know songs or bands that they don't. If you don't know them it's fine! I don't care!! Actually I'd feel better because I knew things you didn't. But when you say you do and you don't, damn that pisses me off. [b]ALOT[/b]
"good time party squad" is a funny clip in the illustrated thing on VH1.. :D
La la la la. I miss really really liking guys.
I'm listening to Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional. Def. not my fave song by them, I'm not into popular songs by dif. artists. I think they are over played and quite bothersome.
Well I'm talking to David about his penis. Woo-hoot. Hahaha I touch his penis?
Doug is being rly nice to me lately today and you cant believe how much it makes my day <3 I dont like him like that but I just need his adoration to live. :-) I think.>
Tennis was fun I walked to Arrowmart and got a Diet Pepsi.. yumm.. then Came back here, there was an accident on the expressway so from churchville to north/west chili it was closed. Hmm.. I'm about to go swimming with my sister. I called her a calico haired hooker today and she spit out all her pop while we were walking on Westside. It was too funny. I like making ppl laugh :-D
I have like a killer headache everywhere in my head. Like EVERYWHERE and it's from everyones shizzle I have to deal with. I don't feel like taking an advil. A) it's addicting B) I don't feel like going in the bathroom.
I think I need antidepressants, load me up with some ecstasy. Ehhhg. I really am not in a happy mood and it seems like most of the aspects in my life are sucking. Like no one can do anything, people are being assholes *thanks alot dylan and vedat*, my mom is being annoying, my dad is being annoying, I am going to vacation in less than a week with someone that gives me headaches..
My dad always tries to freakin read this when I'm writing in it. GO THE FRICK AWAY --thats to him. He's making me go play tennis at 4, I don't want to, it's the day of Sabbath I should freaking go to sleep.
Oh well he just wants me to play it because he thinks I'm good. He told me I'm better than half the ppl on my sister Bre's High School team. So I guess it's aight he's not just making me go because I suck majorly.
Nex topic.. I like Tim haha.
And the next one... Some chick IMed me and was like "ik who u like" and im like uh who? and shes like "doug" im like noooo and shes like "nvm".. Word people are gay
Forward on.. Dylan and Vedat, I hate them now. I cannot stand them and I hate them both. They have killed me in a way words can't describe, maybe a painting would be more suitable? I'll paint one. Only two colours to be used. Black... then red.
Some people say I'm too emotional, I say they have no compassion. I will blow what I want into whatever proportion I want (don't want). Yeah if you say something then say j/p I will take it offensively. I get so pissed off at little things. And little big things will drive me to drink (phrase used lightly I def. don't drink)
I wanna feel all my ribs and all of my back bones. is that a problem?
Hope not.
:roll: gtg dig shallow graves. jp
OH YEAH DOES ANYONE REALLY "PICK A TOPIC" AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BLOG THING?? I DON'T
I'm listening to "send the pain below" by Chevelle. Hoot hoot. Yeah I wanna know when the next CYC comp is because I wanna see ppl. Including Tim even thought he lives right down the street. I'm gonna find someone to come over tomorrow then walk there because I'd feel weird by myself. I wonder if he knows I like him..? Idk. I want him to come online. Huhm. I'm listening to "Kind and Generous" by Natalie Merchant. Woo woo. It's over now. I'm listeng to "Owner of a Lonely Heart" by Yes. I think I like this song.
Vedat *online*: im just jokin, i think ur the ugliest gurl in the fukin world, i no a etheopian that looks way better then u, u have the worlds biggest forehead, its like a parking lot. i saw ur fat ass head in guinness world records. i am going to hate u for the rest of my life, u scared me forever with your forehead. jesus is gonna rape ur big ass head like michal jackson did to the little boys. michal jackson break danced on ur face thats why u look like that.
he's never seen me before hes only seen that pic. down there
Haha today me and Bre (my sister) went to Wal Mart and my mom was buying shizzle so we waited in the car for an hour *total ugh* and this walmart, idk bout urs, but its GHETTO! and me and bre were crankin punk rock then we were like the black ppl dont like it so we switched it to *total ugh more* rap and then the black ppl were like WHOAH. hhaaha gotta love it.
It's weird the way I tell a buncha stuff to all these people who don't know me and barely know what I look like (note the below pic. you may now know what I look like?)
I need to get guitar lessons, I have my guitar.. amp.. and all that shizzle u need for it to work but now the only problem is I cannot play for nothing.
I think I'm going to the Corn Hill Fest Tomorrow.
The inside of my head itches and burns... RAPTURE..?
well don't tell anyone.. only 3 ppl know but I kinda have odd feelings for tim. yeah i went to his skating comp. today at CYC. he didn't place b.c. i think he was nervous, he was really good during the practice though. Hes in the 'advanced' level. He really is good but he just wasnt shining durin his comp. part. He waved to me though he stayed in the skate park the whole time I felt bad I didn't really wave to him i just smiled. He was kinda starin at me the whole time it made me self conscious. But yeah I wanna go out with Tim because he lives right next to me so I could hang out with him(but not compulsively like some ppl *cough cough*doug*cough cough* kelly *clears throat*) He's not even that attractive so uh thats not why i like him hehe. He's little boy cute even though hes like 14
But I can't deal with my feelings and I think you know I am really sensitive to everything and if something like isnt the way I'd expect I'll flip out. Either with writing it down, or sometimes just crying for hours. I can't let my pain go unknown I have to express it and I like when people know. It sounds retarded but I like when people know how much I am hurt and why. I feel 100% better after I come out with things. But then peoples reactions. I hate reactions to my feelings. They usually make me do stupid things like burn/scratch/bruise/cut myself. But when I keep them all inside it hurts too. I don't know whats worse but I think telling people makes it better because then people can help me get over it. But sometimes it can end things. But things that end weren't good in the first place I guess. I have lost a lot of friends because of feelings. And they weren't true friends. I want to get over this because you ARE a true friend. I don't want to lose you. Ever. You are one of my best friends that are there for me and that will do stuff with me and don't get sick of me that much. I am sorry for bustin out with the whole Parental disgruntal it's not your fault your parents actually care about you and the things you do. It's actually really great your parents care about what you do and who you do them with. Mine couldn't give 2 shits about me on reasonable things. I guess cuz my sister was such a screw up on money and pregnancys all they care about is me and buying things and me getting pregnant too young. But really they should like talk to me about things instead of just setting limits. I have never been grounded. The worst that has happened to me was "no computer til you clean your room" Big whoop I still went on and they were like "oh well i cant enforce rules for shit" Those are the worst punishments. But I get yelled at alot. Not for things I do outside of my house but in my house if I go up the stairs too hard, its my ears that will be burning the next second because my dad wont tolerate it. But he doesnt care about meaning full things. I hate him sometimes. And sometimes I can't stand my mom. I can't change them. And you can't change yours. So I respect them and that.
I slept over at Ali's last night. Twas very fun 'cept at 3:30 am, at that time this tan car pulls into her driveway, all the way up, to her garage and the guy sitting in the passenger side like got out of the car and went somewhere in her yard and me and Ali were very much so awake and we were watching TV at the time and the car was there for like 15 minutes and we were both praying to God asking him to send us to Heaven. It was soo scary. Then today this tan car drove past her house 4 times really slow and there were 2 guys in it STARING at us and we were like OMG. Dylan came over but Ali got scared because he likes her and she doesn't like him so she made him leave, which I was soo sad about. The Cortland and Dan came over. They are so cute, hehe. But yeah they were fun and we played inside and outside, they lit off a firecracker and Ali's parents don't know so Shhh. I think I'm gonna sleep over at Ali's house sometime soon and then go to Seabreeze with her :D sounds fun to me. Yeah that's my story.
